I get to eat my cake

"It's practical, he gets what he wants, I get what I want"

"everything and each other"

"exactly!! a completely selfless win-win beneficial situation, couldn't get any better"

"a decent dinner meal menu!"

"and no drama"

"yeah no drama"

"I get to have my cake and eat it too!!"

"what about love?"

"what about love? what love?"
-silence-

I don't know anymore

honestly,
do you think I could love you like I've never been hurt?

house keys dangling along with mine
and certain smile from across the mile
means more than this room could offer

if i stay it would not be enough
if i leave it might be better

honestly,
could you love me like I've never been hurt?

My body hasn't been forgiving lately- back is aching, hormones raging, head swinging, joints feel like they're dismantling. 23 but I feel like 32

Last night was a mere stay up from 4 a.m to the next 3 a.m. and here I am staring at the keyboard for the past 10 mins for nothing. Maybe I should start to exercise. But what exercise?

I would rather be sleeping.

LOVE

My goal is to own this ring before 60. Yes, my forever vast obsession towards Panthère de Cartier ring. Set with brilliant diamonds and sections of sapphire.. what an exquisite sophisticated ring.

This everlasting love of mine sure comes in a very high price tag.

missing mr.goodness

accidentally

goodness, I think I am liking you.

it was, an inch close to love

and yet, a ceaseless wait.
a reply, that's all.
to conversation lost between cables.

Moving On

I consider having remnants of past relationships all over your bedroom never is a good sign, let alone your computer. 3 different hard drives, several hidden folders, pieces jumbled here and there inside and around my bedroom and I wonder when will be the perfect time for my heart to finally let go.

It was okay, it was really sad, it was good, as good as good goes. Four different bouquets of roses from three different individuals are stacked together nicely inside the same vase. All hold different sentimental values, different memories, separate pieces of my heart whilst now really do nothing but staring.. staring blankly at me.

"It's too late. We had a lot of chance. It's all over now" He said and I did not forget.

Sweet words written ecstatically inside your hand made card, what should I do with it? Ticking time in your watch, what should I do with it? Kisses and tears, whom should I give to? They are scattered all over. I don't want, I don't want another different man to be wearing the same sleeping T-shirt again.

Really I am almost ready to throw them all out, from my room, from my heart.

Somehow

I feel adequate and happy

perhaps your ideal partner in life is the sum of all positivity existed in past boyfriends/girlfriends, which is an inch close to impossibilty. these sets of ideals are almost unattainable and although you may claim not to compare but your unconscious mind constantly compares.

there could never be a state of equillibrium.

and maybe, just a maybe, the idea of having two or three at once should be very reasonable.